uno vlog

My life

xo.

A friend of mine said

Hardest thing people have to do is learn to let people into their life.

#truth

It's called Self-Love

I wanna. I wanna. I gotta be adored.

So my boyfriend and I recently admitted that we are falling in love with each other.

"We're definitely on our way," as he puts it.

Half of me is exhilerated--shouldn't we all aim to be that brutally honest and openly suspectible to love? I always thought love's Nirvana would be described as a place where nobody is keeping score anymore. A place where you're free to stand ontop of a street bench and tell the whole world how much you love your significant other; where all trust issues simply dissipate.

I would be so happy just having that. For a (premature) period of time, my greatest fear growing up was to one day wake up next to the wrong person. I'd turn next to me and wonder, "Where's the love of my life?"

But of course, nothing in life works out accordingly. We can't all have what we want. The cynic in the back of my head recognizes the boundaries between sheer fantasy and reality. We can't all have the fairytale wedding and the happy marriage. Part of me is in love with the idea of love; its many manifestations and the promise that it is indeed what gives life purpose.

The other part of me is mortified.

"What's your favourite thing about me?"

"Your personality."

"Single life is the good life until you meet someone who shows you the better life."

For the moment, I can believe

everything's gonna be alright.

Tainted love

Some people love tarnished silver.
They find it gives character; a uniqueness that is only possible through time.

Some people hate it. They consider it a form of aging; of perpetual decay. It is when stark perfection comes to a halt and we realize--nothing remains perfect forever.

I, for one, adore tarnished silver. Oxidization is a friend of mine.

Je pense/a l'avenir

Still waiting on that call. If this is a strategy to make me want this job more than I actually do, then damn girl. She is a dentist and her own boss for a reason.

I'm deliriously happy that I'm at home at three in the afternoon, with half the day ahead of me to study alone. Solitude is my means of rejuvenation.

I am not a fan of those who feel they have the right to make certain claims about my life. Remember where you stand in my life; as a friend, not my mother.

I'm really disappointed in my performance at school. I am further discouraged by my peers' attitudes. Competition and jealousy brings out the ugliest in humanity. I cannot stress how not impressed I am with how some people carry themselves in the equally revealing occasions of triumph and defeat. You think you know some people.

I could go on forever about school. I miss my friends. They carpool everyday together; those simple everyday encounters are so important these days.

On the other hand, I feel as though if I got into UBC, I'd be doing it to prove something. And that's not how I want to live my life; doing things to please others. I want to make myself happy on my own terms. I have yet to apply. My average is a B/B+ as of right now (or so I think). I have no idea whether this is worthy of the prestigious (and elitist) character that is the University of British Columbia and all of its followers. I have been increasingly reluctant towards the entire process of applying. My only sense of gratification would be found in the approval of others; the seamless nod that I am fitting into society's conception of the status quo. It makes me sick. It makes me even sicker watching friends and strangers do the things they were told to do, only to find themselves in a perpetual search for a potential passion in the collegiate curriculum.

The anticipation to be free from academic responsibility and into the world of luscious grass and sunshine is killing me. I am stoked on swimming again. I'm not gonna lie; those one week crash courses were brutal but so fulfilling at the same time.

I also can't wait to get out of the city. I made the (this is going to come out nothing but bitchy) mistake of asking too many people to join me in my little withdrawal from the real world. It has landed me in a position where my plans now revolve around them; the selfish aspect of my retreat is gone. Excess enthusiasm has generated so much unnecessary resentment. Trust me, I smh at myself for being such a self-centered bitch about it and creating my own problems at the same time.

I'm taking Math 12 again. AND I'M GOING TO MAKE IT MY BITCH. Some people think it's a sucky situation, but I feel like math is important; I should really put my time and effort into it. Despite everything we did in highschool to avoid it, math is important. And most of all, math is a contributing factor to my future. No PR consultant is going to get out of learning how to do stats..

Lastly, I want to read. The luxury of time is at my hands this summer, and I will honour it by reading.

That is all.    

Too blessed to be stressed

butterflies. sweet kisses. deep kisses. Asian kisses. tummy rubs. neck nuzzles. face nuzzling. biting, lots of biting. swoon (the scarlett ohara kind). lift me off my feet--literally. piggy backs that lead to near choking. laughter. smile. kiss. shake hands. hold hands. hold both hands. hug. squeeze (attempt to suffocate). tickle. laugh. laugh. laugh. wrestle. fight. yell. hurt. dislike. the simple act of giving a shit... no more yelling. long talks. sleepless nights [on the phone]. the world is finally at peace.. rise and grind.  smile. sunshine (even when it's not sunny). blessed. rejoice. happy.  rinse, repeat.

Like the sun, won't you stay..

All kinds of beautiful that end my day.

Period Talk

As a small attempt in hoping my period comes sooner, I have switched into my Blackberry case and will start eating copious amounts of ice cream. I need my period to arrive already, because I'm in need of reassurance in my most recent emotionally-driven antics.

Y'all know you're officially cray cray when you start admitting to your antics..

My boyfriend is taking a lot of the heat. He's annoyingly accepting of this entire process; he went as far as to say, "Baby.. Are you on your period? I know around the second week of the month is when your cycle starts."

Bitch, please. I am not on my period.

Yet.

I want me some fucking ice cream!!!!!!!

(Land of Meh)

If you don't like where you are, then
change it.

You are not a tree.

In my monthly funk. Sometimes I call the Land of Meh. This place sucks balls. Often enough, I've landed here for no particular reason. I have no real reason to be sad. I'm just sad because not everything's perfect, and that's no way to be happy.

Think about it.

If you're only happy when everything is going the right way, how are you going to live your life?

I refuse to drown in self-pity. That shit has never worked for me..

If y'all ever get into one of these funks, if y'all ever feel unappreciated by those around you, if y'all wake up and feel unpretty, if y'all are just having a really bad day..

STOP BEING SAD.

And remember that you are awesome.

That should do it.

I was a walking ghost

I have always  been skeptical when it comes to sleep. Mostly because I think I'm hardcore enough to run on 4 hours of sleep, to go to work wearing the same makeup from last night (and still reeking of tequila), to simply cover up my drowsiness with a shot of espresso, to pull all-nighters and go on with my day..

That shit is cray cray. Who did I think I was? Sleep is my new everything. Without sleep, I can't function. Without sleep, even coffee becomes obsolete. 

I'm blogging about something as simple as sleep, why? I'm going to refer to this as a constant reminder to take care of myself.

I think my generation takes their health for granted. When I used to blog till 4AM and sleep when the sun came up, my mum would berate my bad habits like nobody's business. I don't blame her. She used to threaten to take me to the children's hospital and show me what people who wanted to live were like.  

I plan to do so, despite my newly-applied sleeping habits.

SLEEP IS THE NEW AWAKE.

Hipsters

Will dropkick the next person that calls me a hipster.

I'm not a hipster. I repeat, NOT A HIPSTER.

I'd rather slit my wrists than walk around being a self-proclaimed hipster..

Just because I walk around half-bald and with a self-righteous attitude, does NOT mean that I am a hipster.

I'LL KILL YOU.

a quickie on Abstinence

"... you better blow my mind."

"The neighbours will know my name."

March

oat fudge bar
sleep
jillian michaels
squats
sunday funday
matsuyumyum
spicy sashimi sauce.. bomb diggity
Asian kiss x 100
temple
romaine hearts
fighting
new dresses
my brother turns 18--one more year before the nights of debauchery begin
enoki mushrooms and garlic
my mexican tan is still here, bitches!!!
GRIND
firemen
earthquake
starbucks
wedged heels
tickle-me-elmo and the cookie monster
team JMTS
#winning

Love & Happiness

So silly, that's why we laugh

"One day, I'm going to call you and ask you to run away with me. This is my disclaimer."

Hahahahaha, girlfrannn.

My Double Rainbow

Because I won't be here for Valentines Day, my boyfriend and I decided to celebrate today. We called it our Makeshift Valentines Day.

My boyfriend is the sweetest. He insisted that we spend the entire day together--as in eating all three meals together and the hours in between. He also took the iniative to plan the entire day. My ambitiously romantic boyfriend.

We started off at Crave (on Main) for breakfast (my only choice of the day). It was deeeeelish. Even Boyfriend liked it! You can tell everything is made in-house and fresh. I had the granny smith apple and goat cheese omelette, and he had the crabcakes benny. Soo yumm. What I've noticed with my boyfriend too (that is also really cute), everytime we eat, he automatically cuts me a piece of what he's eating and places it on the edge of my plate. Awe, baby!

Next, we went to Science World. You know those big ads for Body Works, splashed all over bus stops and the skytrain stations? FALSE ADVERTISEMENT. Turns out, the most interesting parts of the exhibition is under construction. Actually, half the building was under construction. Boyfriend and I hung out with kids less than half our age today. I had so much fun though!!!!!!!!! I felt like a kid, touching everything, playing with everything, just having to do everything.

Next, was lunch, of which I had no idea where we were going up until my boyfriend submerged from his house with a cooler and a duffle bag. He had prepared a picnic for us : *)!!!!!!!! How sweet is he?

Wonderful Things:
- egg whites and egg yolks
- heart-shaped taro buns
- buzz buzz
- "My horoscope says that I now have a strong compelling urge to be with my partner. That's you!" "Mmm. Like magnets."
- the silliest
- screaming in the car after eating at a 5-star restaurant
- beef jerky.. pork jerky
- hiii... will you be my valentine?
- go ahead and call me a loser
- he made me my favourite food :)
- BLANKETS
- he bought me the most beautiful flowers.. the kid woke up at 6am just to purchase them from a place he was told was the best in Vancouver.. fucking sweetheart..

The night ended at the Teahouse in Stanley Park, which was ridiculously difficult to find. Food was deelish, wouldn't expect anything less..  After that dining experience however, Boyfriend and I decided that we'd stick to HK-style cafes and cheap yummy eats from now on. The main focus should be our time together, right? If we're really feeling romantic, we'll do it old school and do a homecooked meal. My absolute fav.. they say to get to a man's heart is through his stomach.. Same thing applies to me, y'all.  
Overall.. such a sweet day spent with my sweetie. People bitch and moan about how this day is completely overrated and how it's intentionally marketed to be an over-the-top material-oriented holiday. However, I truly believe it brings out a fuzzy side in everyone. When Valentine's Day rolls around, you either get that feeling to be outrageously gushy and stereotypical in the best way possible. It gets your romantic juices flowing. No pain in that once a year, right?

"You're so dope. Did you know that?"

She said she want some Marvin Gaye

Today, Chu told me that I'm "closet mean". Granted, this was right after I had read aloud my previous entry. At least I knew my comments were too mean to tweet. See? I have a heart.

I told myself that my blog would be my makeshift diary. I've given up on physically writing down my thoughts and the recollections of my day.. I'm going to say this is in result of sheer apathy and the abundance of "new digital media".

So here I am, bitches! Get ready for a shitload of nothing-really-worth-listening-to.

But then again, I don't blog for you anyway..

I'm going to start with quote of the day:

I'm really tryna make it more than what it is. Cause everybody dies, but not everybody lives.

Speaker is unknown, although this citation has been featured in a Drake and Nicki Minaj song. Boyfriend knowingly notified me that there's no way in hell Drake came up with this one *rolls eyes* Mr. Know-It-All..

Mexico is in 5 days and packing has officially commenced! I'll be lugging around this giant red suitcase, along with my metallic lime green Puma bag.. I'll be a faulty Christmas promoter for the time being. 

All that bullshit's for birds
And you ain't nothin' but a vulture

Let me lay it out for you. It doesn't matter how much weight you lose, how fake your falsies are, or how pearly the sheen is off your CoverGirl-splat face. I know an ugly bitch when I see one.


Inside and out.

XXOO

I have great the best friends.***

I told Boyfriend today to always reminds me of how lucky I am. This is a peep of some of the lovely people in my life. I kid you not when I say each and every one of them is amazing. Here are some of the greatest people I know:

Sab and I, 2009 - First 1 University

I lived at this girl's house for a straight week during our first year of university. Even my dog lived at her place. We made eachother breakfast/lunch/dinner (or attempted to do so after ransacking her fridge), slept next to eachother, watched an endless stream of Korean dramas together, and fully loved eachother as roomies! This girl is my homie. When Soph passed, this girl knew what was up.. She cried with me on the phone. I'll never forget that. She's been a constant for awhile now. *Mwah* Love you, babygirl.

Wifey cups! Summer 2010



My entourage, Winda and I - Summer 2010




Christmas 2010 - My Familia


Although I am not in any of these photos (and that's my Polaroid camera), I love this photo. These are my bestest friends. We have been friends since age 5. There have been a lot of ups and downs since then (if you can imagine), and it's been a hell of a ride to get where we are now. Where are we? We're in this ridiculous Utopia of love and appreciation for each other, that sometimes I can't even fathom. They are the greatest people I know.. Each of them bring something to the dinner table that we're all going to be eating at someday in the future when we're roommates and getting on each other's nerves 24-7. Meet my second family, y'all.


Xmas 2010 - Fam is number juan!

Nicolle's 20th Birthday - Fiesta

We are still talking about this dinner.. This dinner was deelish. Everything brought to you by Nicolle and her mum, Jeremy, and some of my excellent margarita-making skills. I know Nicolle's family was eating tacos for several days after, I came over to speed up the process. Yummo!



Nicolle's 20th Birthday - Tam and I

  This bitch... I met her in the 10th grade, she was new, we were in line to get lockers and guess what I do cause I'm a fucking freakshow with no shame? I grab her and say, "Get lockers with us!" and that was the beginning of a beautiful friendship. This girl is so down to earth, so strong with anything that strays into her path. This bitch is an inspiration. I love her to pieces.. I can always count on her to tell me straight up, she keeps my mind afloat. Nobody does it better..


2008 - UD and I 

OK, THIS bitch y'all.. She is trouble. She is the most shady, most ridiculous (the girl is allergic to eyelash glue but still wears eyelashes... the fuck?!?), most crazy (Crazy Daisy), and possibly the worst friend I have.. Yet I love her. She's an odd one, much like myself, and I look to her to see some of the very same weird and awkward traits I possess. She has ditched all her friends for the Eastcoast, I miss her tons. Despite her antics, my heart goes out to this girl because she does everything with all the conviction in the world. Sometimes I think she works herself too hard and it gets me worried, though I know she has a good head on her shoulders.. She's a no shit kind of girl, and I love her. She defs reminds me everyday to see my dream.


My 19th - A, K and N

W + K

Prepare for more pictures of just us 2..

How do I even begin to describe my entourage? One of the best people I know, this girl has been by my side since day one. We have been in one fight our entire friendship. Our love lives have been in parallel since the year 2007. She's my fucking partner in crime.. I have gotten way too drunk, fallen down, scraped elbows (and have severely injured a left knee) with this girl too many times to count. She's also my partner is everything (no lesbo).. We cook together, eat together, she takes me out for movies and dinner (makeshift boyfriend, haaay), travel together, study together, laugh together.. We tell eachother everything, so don't expect us to keep secrets from eachother. What Kaylynn knows, Winda knows. "Let the good times roll, cause all our times together are good."

When the party was in the washrooms.. 2010 - Erin and I

Love these 2.. S V + K

UGHH!!! I love these 2 so much, it's hard to freaking believe (no lesbo). We do the craziest shit together.. Everytime we go out we manage to have the best time. We're just a yummy combination.. like peanut butter + banana sandwiches. Or a mimosa with frozen strawberries. Or the best combo, McD's fries dipped in their McChicken sauce + Heinz ketchup (or honey is good too). Vannie is currently in Victoria, but Sab and I plan to visit her and make our mark on the island.. Asian Invasion!

Pertruding - mwah!

This chick and I go way back. She'll always be my token white girl. We've been through ups and downs, but nonetheless, we've remained friends. "C'mon, Erin.. Eat your McCroquettes." She's always going to be my homegirl from the hood.. It's safe to say that I freaking love this girl. Too many insiders to count, and her mama's cooking is my fav. I'll never forget sleeping in this girl's basement (especially that time we thought my French exchange student had died in her sleep), making the most primitive of foods in her kitchen (strawberry milk and grilled cheese sandiwches, for example), proving to her dad just how awesome I am (one time I was early meeting Erin, he put his hand on my forehead and said "Are you sick?"), getting in trouble with her parents for coming home too late at night or screaming in her basement at horror flicks, tanning on her porch to a golden brown, and the most common of cases.. Laughing in this girl's hot pink room. Love her!!

W K + E

Wifeeeey

My favourite boys

S + K

Halloween 2010 - W + K

2009 - K + D

Twins

What can I say? We've been friends for way too long. So long that we're not even friends anymore, we're sisters. This girl and I have been through so much. 15 years of friendship: there has been a lot of fightings, fallouts and shit talk, but also lotsa laughter, and the most ridiculous of adventures. Some of my best moments in life have been spent with this girl, and these moments will continue to grow in number. Thanks for the longest lasting friendship of all time, bitch... See you at my wedding!

I'm missing a few.. Chu, for one. I can't believe we have no pictures together???? This is coming from the girl who brings a camera with her to when we study together.. I also wanna write about Boyfriend *blushes*. He has become such a huge part of my life and that placement will continue to grow. I also wanna write a shoutout to Nico (maybe a public apology as well, for ruining his brand new shirt and biting his face on my birthday), the boys, Angus, Wes, Elissy, and a few other fab people who I wanna remember as people that I adore.

If life is what you make it,

then let's make it Amazing.